As my brother-in-law slipped into Heaven, just a few days ago, on Father’s Day, I have been reminded just how precious time with our loved ones can be. I can’t quit thinking about all the things we talked with Larry about over his lifetime and all the attributes he possessed. He knew just everything about chickens like my hubby, I’m sure he could name every tree by its leaves, as he majored in Forestry, he was always ready with an electrical answer when my hubby called him, he taught us how to play Mexican Dominoes last year, he had HUGE hands like my hubby and when you shook his hand, you knew it! But mostly what I remember is his big smile and the infectious laugh he had. It was kind of like a giggle from a little kid…
As he grew sicker these last few weeks, talking on the phone became harder for him, so he asked my hubby if they could communicate by email. My hubby doesn’t do the computer thing (I’ve been his secretary forever it seems) so when it came time to write to his brother, my hubby would either write out what he wanted me to write or he would sit beside me and sort of gather his thoughts and dictate them to me as I typed. I sat there listening, with tears rolling down my cheeks, as my hubby struggled for the right words.
How does one figure out what to say when it might be the last thing you ever say to them? What’s important and what’s not? It got me to thinking, what if the situation were reversed and I was the one writing my sisters or brother… It was not a good feeling. I can’t even imagine doing it. There would never be an end to what you wanted to say…there would always be something else you forgot to mention.
I was at the dentist yesterday and the hygienist was telling me about some family squabble between her mom and sister and brother over a graduation party. They haven’t spoken in a while. I wanted to give her a lecture, but I resisted…but there it was in my face again…time with those you love is so very important and I know there will always be things we wanted to say after our loved ones are gone, but why not do it now, while you can.
So after writing all this, I have an assignment for you… Think of someone you haven’t spoken with in a while and give them a call, or shoot them an email, or EVEN send them a letter. Tell them how much you love them and appreciate them… Don’t let another day go by without doing it because life is precious and we aren’t promised tomorrow.
See you tomorrow,
Blessings, Jeanne
Well, Jeanne, I tried to reply to your post, by my computer/wifi is/are acting up tonight, and the post disappeared. So…if the original one should suddenly materialize, feel free to delete this one!!
First of all, my deepest sympathy to George and your whole family on the loss of his brother.
You are so right in your comments about telling people how you feel while you have a chance, and also mending fences while you have a chance, as you never know when that chance will be forever gone.
A number of years ago, we had a situation in my husband’s family, a real “feud” if you will, between one of his half-siblings and his mom and step-dad. For months they didn’t speak. Then the dad/step-dad was in the hospital for something else, and suddenly took a serious turn for the worse. The sibling had to be tracked down (they were on their boat), which involved the Coast Guard and police, and a ferry was held so that she could get back to this area (she cried all the way over); my husband met her at the dock and brought her up to the hospital. She almost didn’t get to apologize to her dad, but we think he knew she was coming and willed himself to stay alive until she got there, because about an hour afterwards, he died.
It took Years, though, before she stopped asking if I thought he had heard her…..and I was able to reassure her, each time, that I thought he did.
More recently, I lost one of my very best and dearest friends–we shared an apartment for 4 years, she was my maid of honor and my son’s godmother, we went on a couple of trips together (my son, then 5, went with us one of them), sang at both my parents’ funerals, and even sat thru three of my husband’s surgeries with me. Fortunately, someone called me after she had her first stroke, so I was able to get to the hospital several times to see her. Even though she couldn’t talk (at first she was in a coma, then awake but couldn’t speak or move, as she kept having strokes), I always talked to her, reminiscing abou things we’d done together, etc., also prayed with/for her, and ended each visit with “I love you”. I had been to see her and to attend the family meeting (by invitation) as to her prognosis, etc., when the decision was made to remove her from the ventilator. They kept her hooked up long enough for family and close friends who wished to, to come and say goodbye, then removed the ventilator that evening. The next morning her brother called to let me know that she had died about 7 minutes earlier. I’m so glad I had those times with her in the hospital, that I didn’t “wait till she’s better” to go and see her!
Thank you Charlotte,
What touching words you have shared with us all. It’s so strange how we can let little things get in the way of friendships and how easily those incidents can change with a few kind words.
Thank you very much for your thoughts, Charlotte.
Blessings, Jeanne
Two for the price of one. Jeanne, your email was lovely, and, Charlotte, I’m so glad you shared your experiences as well. I will check back later to keep reading because I’m sure that other people will have experiences to share as well and that they will all be worth sharing and reading. Thank you both for the first two.
Thank you Marilyn,
I wrote today’s post yesterday morning before I got out of bed. I can truly say it came from my heart.
I hope it touched someone besides me.
Thank you, Marilyn,
Blessings, Jeanne
Great words of advice.
Thank you Joy,
I’m glad you enjoyed my post today…
Blessings, Jeanne
Very touching post today, Jeanne. I’m sure we all will get to thinking who needs to be written to, talked to or just thought about. I’ve heard it said that it’s not WHAT you say to a person, but how you make them FEEL when with you. Some people don’t feel comfortable baring their souls to others, and I grew up in a very undemonstrative home, but we KNEW we were loved, even if it wasn’t said. I’m sure this might shock some of you, but I can’t ever remember a time that my parents told me they loved me or my sisters, for that matter! But I did have a wonderful childhood, and wanted for nothing. My mother came from a very unemotional family, so that was all she really knew, so I’m not blaming her.
Hi Linda,
You did catch me off guard with your family life and how your parents were. I never in a million years would have guessed it was as you described. I think the love you felt from your parents definitely spilled over because you seem very affectionate to me and the cards you have sent me were oozing with kindness and love.
Thank you Linda,
Blessings, Jeanne
Well, thank you Jeanne for the compliments! I will say I was a bit different than my parents, but my paternal grandmother was very loving and warm, and I spent a lot of time with her, so I guess some of it rubbed off!!
Jeanne, that was such a precious post. And so timely too. I have cousins who I was extremely close to as a child. We shared many happy and crazy times growing up. As we all married, moved to different locations, and started our families, the busy-ness of life got in the way. We still held each other close in our hearts but just let weeks and sometimes years go by without seeing each other or even communicating with each other.
Yesterday my cousin who lives about 15 miles from me, texted and asked if we could get together this morning for coffee and donuts. She arrived with her hubby and we all sat down at my kitchen table while the coffee brewed. We had been chatting for about 10 minutes when suddenly I saw the red and white checkered sleeve of a man appear in the window next to my kitchen table. I thought who in the world is outside peeking in my window? Then slowly the face of my other cousin, the brother of the cousin sitting at the table with me appeared. He was visiting from Boston and it is so like them to play a trick on me by peeking in my window. We had such fun visiting and I only wish they could have stayed longer!
HI Beth,
Oh, what a wonderful thing happened to you! How special that one cousin turned into two and I bet you had a great time. I hope it was just the beginning of more visits to come… maybe you could rotate from house to house for your visits!
You did you “homework” very well, and didn’t even have to try! :o)
Blessings, Jeanne
Hi Jeanne,
What a sweet post…. I’m sure you may never know how many hearts you have touched. It’s so very sad that your brother in law passed on fathers day. My son in laws father passed on fathers day. It’s been very hard on him, my prayers are that now that he’s a father himself that sad feeling my slowly subside. I’m going to take you up on your assignment and reach out and see what happens.
hugs
Ingrid
Oh I nearly forgot my sympathies to you and your family…. Please pass on my condolences to George.
HI Ingrid,
Thank you for your sweet thoughts… I hope you can find some common ground to be able to talk or at least share a memory that will make your son in law feel less sad than he does now. Sometimes when you get out the photo album, it can be very therapeutic…
Thank you Ingrid,
Blessings, Jeanne
My sympathy for you and George. Losing a sibling has to be so hard. He got to have that last visit too….so happy about that.
Out of the blue last week my son took the time to put a post on FB a message like what you are asking. He explained how much he appreciated and loved his own family, his wife and kids, his work family, his job, friends, neighbors ..it was specific and detailed…blew me away. So nice to do that when no one is expecting it!
This will e a sad time for you..sending extra prayers.
,
Thank you Kathie,
I appreciate your prayers and love the story about your son posting his feelings for his family and friends! How unexpected but wonderful all wrapped up together!
Thanks again,
Blessings, Jeanne
Dear Aunt Jeanne,
I’m so honored to call you my aunt. Your joy and and giving heart always exudes from you as you bless others. I’ve been wanting to keep up with your blog and I don’t always get to read it. I pray that as I get older that i maintain such a great relationship with my siblings as you do with yours. Just wanted you to know I love you and are praying for you! Hannah is always offering up a prayer for uncle George!
Love you!!